I really appreciate your call for therapists to seek understanding of detransitioners. I'd like to relate my own experience with the "hot-cold empathy gap." In retrospect, I recognize a ton of cognitive biases during the time I identified as trans, but the empathy gap came into play when I would think about the possibility of detransition early on. I still hear it from other trans people: "Even if I regret this, I would regret not transitioning more."
That's easy to say that when you aren't literally standing in front of a mirror facing how your body has been irreversibly altered from its natural state, wondering how you're going to get through the next 40 years of your life, and knowing it could've been prevented.
My best friend "J" was also my roommate for three years, and he detransitioned about six months before me. Throughout that time, he would talk to me about how he felt like he had been let down by professionals and that he had been rushed into transition. I could not bridge that empathy gap at that time (and I had another cognitive bias at play: dissonance). I told him the exact same thing TRAs online tell me now:
"You did this to yourself."
"More gatekeeping would have violated your autonomy."
My opinions have become more nuanced since, and I've apologized to J more than once for having said those things. We trusted that people would give us the right information, and they didn't. I just couldn't accept that yet, because it would turn my world upside down. But living with someone who was doing something I was told rarely happened (detransitioning), made it extremely hard to ignore. I care deeply about J. I wouldn't have tried to understand a random detransitioner, but I wanted to understand *him.*
I'm still surprised more of my friends didn't take that same attitude with me. I imagine they won't be able to bridge the gap until the number of detransitioners is much higher (as one of my "friends" admitted directly to me) or someone they care about more deeply detransitions.
Anyway, once again, I deeply appreciate anyone who is willing to hear us out (without trying to cram our experiences into the accepted ideological narrative).
I really appreciate your call for therapists to seek understanding of detransitioners. I'd like to relate my own experience with the "hot-cold empathy gap." In retrospect, I recognize a ton of cognitive biases during the time I identified as trans, but the empathy gap came into play when I would think about the possibility of detransition early on. I still hear it from other trans people: "Even if I regret this, I would regret not transitioning more."
That's easy to say that when you aren't literally standing in front of a mirror facing how your body has been irreversibly altered from its natural state, wondering how you're going to get through the next 40 years of your life, and knowing it could've been prevented.
My best friend "J" was also my roommate for three years, and he detransitioned about six months before me. Throughout that time, he would talk to me about how he felt like he had been let down by professionals and that he had been rushed into transition. I could not bridge that empathy gap at that time (and I had another cognitive bias at play: dissonance). I told him the exact same thing TRAs online tell me now:
"You did this to yourself."
"More gatekeeping would have violated your autonomy."
My opinions have become more nuanced since, and I've apologized to J more than once for having said those things. We trusted that people would give us the right information, and they didn't. I just couldn't accept that yet, because it would turn my world upside down. But living with someone who was doing something I was told rarely happened (detransitioning), made it extremely hard to ignore. I care deeply about J. I wouldn't have tried to understand a random detransitioner, but I wanted to understand *him.*
I'm still surprised more of my friends didn't take that same attitude with me. I imagine they won't be able to bridge the gap until the number of detransitioners is much higher (as one of my "friends" admitted directly to me) or someone they care about more deeply detransitions.
Anyway, once again, I deeply appreciate anyone who is willing to hear us out (without trying to cram our experiences into the accepted ideological narrative).
I really appreciate your call for therapists to seek understanding of detransitioners. I'd like to relate my own experience with the "hot-cold empathy gap." In retrospect, I recognize a ton of cognitive biases during the time I identified as trans, but the empathy gap came into play when I would think about the possibility of detransition early on. I still hear it from other trans people: "Even if I regret this, I would regret not transitioning more."
That's easy to say that when you aren't literally standing in front of a mirror facing how your body has been irreversibly altered from its natural state, wondering how you're going to get through the next 40 years of your life, and knowing it could've been prevented.
My best friend "J" was also my roommate for three years, and he detransitioned about six months before me. Throughout that time, he would talk to me about how he felt like he had been let down by professionals and that he had been rushed into transition. I could not bridge that empathy gap at that time (and I had another cognitive bias at play: dissonance). I told him the exact same thing TRAs online tell me now:
"You did this to yourself."
"More gatekeeping would have violated your autonomy."
My opinions have become more nuanced since, and I've apologized to J more than once for having said those things. We trusted that people would give us the right information, and they didn't. I just couldn't accept that yet, because it would turn my world upside down. But living with someone who was doing something I was told rarely happened (detransitioning), made it extremely hard to ignore. I care deeply about J. I wouldn't have tried to understand a random detransitioner, but I wanted to understand *him.*
I'm still surprised more of my friends didn't take that same attitude with me. I imagine they won't be able to bridge the gap until the number of detransitioners is much higher (as one of my "friends" admitted directly to me) or someone they care about more deeply detransitions.
Anyway, once again, I deeply appreciate anyone who is willing to hear us out (without trying to cram our experiences into the accepted ideological narrative).
Thank you for speaking out.
I really appreciate your call for therapists to seek understanding of detransitioners. I'd like to relate my own experience with the "hot-cold empathy gap." In retrospect, I recognize a ton of cognitive biases during the time I identified as trans, but the empathy gap came into play when I would think about the possibility of detransition early on. I still hear it from other trans people: "Even if I regret this, I would regret not transitioning more."
That's easy to say that when you aren't literally standing in front of a mirror facing how your body has been irreversibly altered from its natural state, wondering how you're going to get through the next 40 years of your life, and knowing it could've been prevented.
My best friend "J" was also my roommate for three years, and he detransitioned about six months before me. Throughout that time, he would talk to me about how he felt like he had been let down by professionals and that he had been rushed into transition. I could not bridge that empathy gap at that time (and I had another cognitive bias at play: dissonance). I told him the exact same thing TRAs online tell me now:
"You did this to yourself."
"More gatekeeping would have violated your autonomy."
My opinions have become more nuanced since, and I've apologized to J more than once for having said those things. We trusted that people would give us the right information, and they didn't. I just couldn't accept that yet, because it would turn my world upside down. But living with someone who was doing something I was told rarely happened (detransitioning), made it extremely hard to ignore. I care deeply about J. I wouldn't have tried to understand a random detransitioner, but I wanted to understand *him.*
I'm still surprised more of my friends didn't take that same attitude with me. I imagine they won't be able to bridge the gap until the number of detransitioners is much higher (as one of my "friends" admitted directly to me) or someone they care about more deeply detransitions.
Anyway, once again, I deeply appreciate anyone who is willing to hear us out (without trying to cram our experiences into the accepted ideological narrative).