Thank you. Unfortunately, it’s become more than a matter of trust, because when I found myself ready to seek help, it’s nowhere to be found in this country. The affirmation model means I can’t deconstruct the mistakes I made, because according to the anti conversion, conversion bill (because it’s a just a transing away the gay, pro-conversion bill ) that passed here recently, it’s not affirming to someone who “claims” to be a detransitioner. I’m just confused and need to get back on the trans train to loony town. No Thank You. I can’t even find someone to talk to on a hotline, without some man impersonating a woman answering the phone for The Assaulted Women’s Helpline. More like, come-and-talk-to-me-so-I-can-re-traumatize-you, line. I bet they get off on our trauma. I ended up having to hang up after saying, “no thanks, I want to speak to a woman.” This only happened a few months ago, and it was one of the scariest nights of my life. I had no one, I could trust to talk to, as all my former friends drank the kool aid long ago. I just quietly detransitioned alone, several years ago, peaking in stages, to where I’m at now. Hardline, with hard boundaries. I can’t even tolerate seeing a drag queen on TV. Nothing is cute or funny about this, and there are far too many pedo apologists in this cult. I’m looking at you Genspect and GDAlliance. The only way I could possibly get any therapy, is if I had the 50-200 bucks an hour it would cost to see one. And I don’t have money for that.
I hope I’m wrong, but I believe there will be an increase in the suicide rates of many people. Some whose bodies were surgically, legally mutilated at such a young age, that they never even had the chance to think about whether they would ever want any children of their own, and who will also never experience a healthy sexuality. I fear a long line of funerals for many young people, who never once experienced an orgasm, and were rendered unable to have kids long before they stopped being kids themselves.
As someone who made my mistakes in mid life, I at least, had the chance to experience some of the joys in life, that these younger people never will. I fear a generation silenced, unable to speak basic truths. And what is left for us, but violence , if we are made criminal for speaking biological facts? I want to be so wrong, but I have little hope that this ship will get righted in time. Now, that the AGP billionaires are getting their way, just as they planned in those first transgender law meetings at the Houston Hilton. Because all grassroots orgs. have the budgets to hold their first conferences at The Hilton. Riiight. I’m afraid the war is already lost, because “it’s capitalism stupid.” Since the big money got involved, the crazy ideology and its policing of language has grown exponentially, and kids are now being taught that the feelings in their heads supersede the biological realities of their bodies. And that sex is a social construct. And biology and science are racist and social constructs. I really do, want to, “Get Out.”
Decades of this disgusting trend of normalizing fetishes makes me want to find a cave and curl up into a ball. I don’t know how much more I can take.
I appreciate seeing you here, DK. We grass widows, the ex-wives of these AGPs, also feel abandoned. We shop for therapists who don't make us say "my ex-wife" and "she" for our narcissistically abusive ex-husbands. I can afford therapy, but I don't do it anymore. I don't trust the mental health profession. My salvation is in the fight back. I print out a short blurb about not supporting Planned Parenthood because they take money, huge money, from the shady Arcus Foundation. I posit that the need for physical practices, not just going for a run, but a specially designed program of life affirming physical movements with breathing are necessary to reconnect with your body and calm the vagus nerve. Because I do not say "she" for my sons' father anymore, they will not talk to me. They've started misremembering their own childhoods, the extreme trauma they endured when their father told them it was "mean and vile and cruel" to call him Daddy. Yes, the profession has much to answer for. The malpractice is equal to the damage of thalidomide, years ago. It is that bad. Thanks always for your comments here and on YouTube, Dragonk!
Btw. It’s my deepest wish for you that the children you gave life to and sacrificed much for, take a cue from one of my favourite all time songs…I’ll opt for Jimmy Cliff’s version of, I Can See Clearly Now.
Good seeing you here Ute. I look to you as a mentor. And I’m so proud that you are speaking up for grass widows and their kids. I was always disturbed by the attitudes taken towards grass widows and their children and how their feelings were easily dismissed, minimized. I was at an lgbt film fest ages ago and I sat in front of an acquaintance group of a TIM and his totalitarian vegan lesbian(?)sycophants. We were all there to see a movie about grass widows and their children. It explored the real deep pain, the grief of losing a father and a husband. Well, I thought we were all there to see the movie. They were there to just mock the feelings of the wife and children. Their attitudes disgusted me so much, they stopped qualifying as even distance acquaintances. I want nothing to do with people who mock the very real pain of others, while pretending and larping to be oppressed themselves. Makes me sick.
I hope what you’re doing opens a door wide open, into a place of safety where both the children and wives of these awful men can speak their lived experiences without fear of noxious death and rape threats. The behaviour of these violent tractivists, is disgusting and intolerable, at this point. And, the media and all government officials have zero excuses, colluding with this high level group of deviants. This whole scam needs a complete abolishment. I don’t believe for a second that these “treatments” help anyone. Going by the gender euphoria some feel off those powerful hormones, in the first few years, is just bad science. Check back after 7-10. Find out how many have KTYs, how many are miserable with regret, how many live very isolated lives, because they simply feel shame and stupidity for their mistakes? Everything revolving around this issue is littered with corruption in politics and media, bad science (more corruption) and pervert billionaires (More corruption). I’d rather die than live in the denatured Mother Earth of these freaks’ dreams. And, when I renew my health card, I’m revoking myself as an organ donour. All these freaks want to do is live disembodied lives, forever. Again, NoThankYou. I wish they’d all fly up to Mars and stay there.
DK, I appreciate your sentiments deeply. Please do visit my blog, uteheggengrasswidow.wordpress.com, and contact me there on the form. I know you have a story to tell. Any chance you recall the name of the film? I've never heard of it. Hearing the cynical and cruel response to suffering children makes me glad, almost, that Vaishnavi Sundar's new project, a documentary on grass widows, will be viewed on her YT channel, Lime Soda Films, where her 4 part series, Dysphoric, can be viewed. What I discovered about my ex-husband is that he felt the thrill of his imagined feats in the French Resistance for going out to bars in woman face and making eyes at men who paid for his blanc de blanc. (I know about it from the diaries, in his own writing). These guys never thought he was a woman, by the way. They just wanted to tell the story later of buying a drink for a . . . you know. HIs mind was running away from his receding hairline, at age 36, and the recollection of his own father, when he was the age of our son, 4, and his father was abusive. That is how I see it. Thanks for your words and kindness. I will let everyone know when my memoir, In the Curated Woods: True Tales from a Grass Widow with photos by Ute Heggen, comes out. Very soon, I expect. Maybe March 24. ooxoo, Ute
I look forward to seeing Karen’s launch of your book. Unfortunately, I can’t remember the name of the film. It was shown at the InsideOUT Festival in the late 90s , or early naughts.
We are getting close! Follow my blog, uteheggengrasswidow.wordpress.com to be the first to know when the book is out. It may be as early as a week from now. Thanks! Ute
Absolutely 💯. The one thing I would add is that as a parent of a trans identifying daughter.... I may not be able to prevent her from taking a similar path, but by reading detransitioners accounts... I have found faith in the strength of so many to pick up the pieces and continue to find ways to assimilate all of their experiences into building meaningful lives and in hopefully finding their inner beauty that is truly the important & authentic manifestation of their self. I can relax, some, knowing that if my daughter transitions (and she later realizes it was the wrong path) she will survive it, with scars inside and out, but knowing herself in ways that she can't even fathom at this point in her young life.
Thank you. Unfortunately, it’s become more than a matter of trust, because when I found myself ready to seek help, it’s nowhere to be found in this country. The affirmation model means I can’t deconstruct the mistakes I made, because according to the anti conversion, conversion bill (because it’s a just a transing away the gay, pro-conversion bill ) that passed here recently, it’s not affirming to someone who “claims” to be a detransitioner. I’m just confused and need to get back on the trans train to loony town. No Thank You. I can’t even find someone to talk to on a hotline, without some man impersonating a woman answering the phone for The Assaulted Women’s Helpline. More like, come-and-talk-to-me-so-I-can-re-traumatize-you, line. I bet they get off on our trauma. I ended up having to hang up after saying, “no thanks, I want to speak to a woman.” This only happened a few months ago, and it was one of the scariest nights of my life. I had no one, I could trust to talk to, as all my former friends drank the kool aid long ago. I just quietly detransitioned alone, several years ago, peaking in stages, to where I’m at now. Hardline, with hard boundaries. I can’t even tolerate seeing a drag queen on TV. Nothing is cute or funny about this, and there are far too many pedo apologists in this cult. I’m looking at you Genspect and GDAlliance. The only way I could possibly get any therapy, is if I had the 50-200 bucks an hour it would cost to see one. And I don’t have money for that.
I hope I’m wrong, but I believe there will be an increase in the suicide rates of many people. Some whose bodies were surgically, legally mutilated at such a young age, that they never even had the chance to think about whether they would ever want any children of their own, and who will also never experience a healthy sexuality. I fear a long line of funerals for many young people, who never once experienced an orgasm, and were rendered unable to have kids long before they stopped being kids themselves.
As someone who made my mistakes in mid life, I at least, had the chance to experience some of the joys in life, that these younger people never will. I fear a generation silenced, unable to speak basic truths. And what is left for us, but violence , if we are made criminal for speaking biological facts? I want to be so wrong, but I have little hope that this ship will get righted in time. Now, that the AGP billionaires are getting their way, just as they planned in those first transgender law meetings at the Houston Hilton. Because all grassroots orgs. have the budgets to hold their first conferences at The Hilton. Riiight. I’m afraid the war is already lost, because “it’s capitalism stupid.” Since the big money got involved, the crazy ideology and its policing of language has grown exponentially, and kids are now being taught that the feelings in their heads supersede the biological realities of their bodies. And that sex is a social construct. And biology and science are racist and social constructs. I really do, want to, “Get Out.”
Decades of this disgusting trend of normalizing fetishes makes me want to find a cave and curl up into a ball. I don’t know how much more I can take.
I appreciate seeing you here, DK. We grass widows, the ex-wives of these AGPs, also feel abandoned. We shop for therapists who don't make us say "my ex-wife" and "she" for our narcissistically abusive ex-husbands. I can afford therapy, but I don't do it anymore. I don't trust the mental health profession. My salvation is in the fight back. I print out a short blurb about not supporting Planned Parenthood because they take money, huge money, from the shady Arcus Foundation. I posit that the need for physical practices, not just going for a run, but a specially designed program of life affirming physical movements with breathing are necessary to reconnect with your body and calm the vagus nerve. Because I do not say "she" for my sons' father anymore, they will not talk to me. They've started misremembering their own childhoods, the extreme trauma they endured when their father told them it was "mean and vile and cruel" to call him Daddy. Yes, the profession has much to answer for. The malpractice is equal to the damage of thalidomide, years ago. It is that bad. Thanks always for your comments here and on YouTube, Dragonk!
Ute Heggen uteheggengrasswidow.wordpress.com
Btw. It’s my deepest wish for you that the children you gave life to and sacrificed much for, take a cue from one of my favourite all time songs…I’ll opt for Jimmy Cliff’s version of, I Can See Clearly Now.
Good seeing you here Ute. I look to you as a mentor. And I’m so proud that you are speaking up for grass widows and their kids. I was always disturbed by the attitudes taken towards grass widows and their children and how their feelings were easily dismissed, minimized. I was at an lgbt film fest ages ago and I sat in front of an acquaintance group of a TIM and his totalitarian vegan lesbian(?)sycophants. We were all there to see a movie about grass widows and their children. It explored the real deep pain, the grief of losing a father and a husband. Well, I thought we were all there to see the movie. They were there to just mock the feelings of the wife and children. Their attitudes disgusted me so much, they stopped qualifying as even distance acquaintances. I want nothing to do with people who mock the very real pain of others, while pretending and larping to be oppressed themselves. Makes me sick.
I hope what you’re doing opens a door wide open, into a place of safety where both the children and wives of these awful men can speak their lived experiences without fear of noxious death and rape threats. The behaviour of these violent tractivists, is disgusting and intolerable, at this point. And, the media and all government officials have zero excuses, colluding with this high level group of deviants. This whole scam needs a complete abolishment. I don’t believe for a second that these “treatments” help anyone. Going by the gender euphoria some feel off those powerful hormones, in the first few years, is just bad science. Check back after 7-10. Find out how many have KTYs, how many are miserable with regret, how many live very isolated lives, because they simply feel shame and stupidity for their mistakes? Everything revolving around this issue is littered with corruption in politics and media, bad science (more corruption) and pervert billionaires (More corruption). I’d rather die than live in the denatured Mother Earth of these freaks’ dreams. And, when I renew my health card, I’m revoking myself as an organ donour. All these freaks want to do is live disembodied lives, forever. Again, NoThankYou. I wish they’d all fly up to Mars and stay there.
DK, I appreciate your sentiments deeply. Please do visit my blog, uteheggengrasswidow.wordpress.com, and contact me there on the form. I know you have a story to tell. Any chance you recall the name of the film? I've never heard of it. Hearing the cynical and cruel response to suffering children makes me glad, almost, that Vaishnavi Sundar's new project, a documentary on grass widows, will be viewed on her YT channel, Lime Soda Films, where her 4 part series, Dysphoric, can be viewed. What I discovered about my ex-husband is that he felt the thrill of his imagined feats in the French Resistance for going out to bars in woman face and making eyes at men who paid for his blanc de blanc. (I know about it from the diaries, in his own writing). These guys never thought he was a woman, by the way. They just wanted to tell the story later of buying a drink for a . . . you know. HIs mind was running away from his receding hairline, at age 36, and the recollection of his own father, when he was the age of our son, 4, and his father was abusive. That is how I see it. Thanks for your words and kindness. I will let everyone know when my memoir, In the Curated Woods: True Tales from a Grass Widow with photos by Ute Heggen, comes out. Very soon, I expect. Maybe March 24. ooxoo, Ute
I look forward to seeing Karen’s launch of your book. Unfortunately, I can’t remember the name of the film. It was shown at the InsideOUT Festival in the late 90s , or early naughts.
We are getting close! Follow my blog, uteheggengrasswidow.wordpress.com to be the first to know when the book is out. It may be as early as a week from now. Thanks! Ute
Absolutely 💯. The one thing I would add is that as a parent of a trans identifying daughter.... I may not be able to prevent her from taking a similar path, but by reading detransitioners accounts... I have found faith in the strength of so many to pick up the pieces and continue to find ways to assimilate all of their experiences into building meaningful lives and in hopefully finding their inner beauty that is truly the important & authentic manifestation of their self. I can relax, some, knowing that if my daughter transitions (and she later realizes it was the wrong path) she will survive it, with scars inside and out, but knowing herself in ways that she can't even fathom at this point in her young life.
A good book for this is Taking Back Your Life by Janja Lalich, also Transforming Trauma by Dr. James Gordon, MD.