A Hopeful Desistance Story for Detrans Awareness Day

How one mom helped her son find himself anew

Every year on Detrans Awareness Day, the stories we tell are necessary but heavy. Families torn apart, innocence destroyed, bodies forever aching.

This year, I am honoring the day with a story of hope instead. I'm going to tell you about a boy whose mother made sure he had a different outcome.

Ethan came out as trans at 14, declaring himself a "cat girl" who required "a skirt and HRT." At his lowest point, he did not speak a word to his mother for several weeks.

He was autistic, and clearly so: brilliant at math, but couldn't tie his shoes. He had no father figure, nor positive male role models of any kind. Just a single mom, raising three kids alone, in one of the most hostile states in the country for non-affirming parents.

She did not capitulate to his demands. Nor did she ignore them, or wait and hope he'd "grow out of it"; she understood that the world these kids live in doesn't offer that off-ramp anymore.

What she did instead was plan and execute an intricate strategy designed with her son's unique needs in mind.

She rebuilt a relationship that had gone almost completely silent. She learned to come alongside him rather than confront him, entering his world instead of demanding he enter hers. At the same time, she began restructuring his environment.

With my help, she observed her son's psychology — his particular personality, his ego structure, his emotional vulnerabilities, the unconscious needs the trans identity was meeting — and began to use that understanding strategically.

Then she went further. We worked together on interventions most parents would never think to try. Our approaches were rooted in high-stakes negotiation, reverse psychology, and family systems theory. Our methods worked with her child's defenses rather than against them. She learned ways of presenting information that didn't trigger the reaction she wanted to avoid, and ways of steering without ever appearing to direct.

She played her hand carefully, never revealing more than necessary. She didn't become an anti-trans activist, mirroring and opposing her son's stance. She never became the enemy in her son's story. Rather, she created the right circumstances for him to come into contact with his own ambivalence about the identity and eventually drop it.

He desisted, quietly, on his own terms — which is the only way it ever really works. He never felt that letting go of his trans identity was his mother's idea; he simply moved on and stepped into newer, more empowering roles that she made sure were available to him.

He never said "you were right, Mom." He just moved on and said he didn't care to examine that past phase anymore. He is now thriving, pursuing his academic interests with passion, and finding a role amongst his peers as a helpful mentor.

His mom's words, which I'll carry with me for a long time:

"These kids are incredibly suggestible — which I used to my advantage when I needed to, but also highlights how vulnerable they are when the world just keeps carrying on with this insanity."

And also this:

"Always have hope. If you have faith and you keep doing the hard work — both on yourself and on the relationship with your child — there is always an opportunity to come out on the other side of this."

Today is Detrans Awareness Day. I'm a therapist who has made it my full time job to coach parents of trans-identified youth through hundreds of different scenarios, with the goal of supporting the part of the child that secretly wants out of the corner they have painted themselves into. I built ROGD Repair because desistance is possible when parents are adequately prepared to work with, rather than against, the psychological traits that rendered their children vulnerable to ideology in the first place. This often includes uncovering unconscious motivations, mapping the significance the new identity holds for the child, retraining yourself to recognize signs of doubt in your child that you might have overlooked when consumed by your own worries, and communicating in new ways to support their development.

This mom sat down with me for a full interview — over an hour and thirty minutes — and helped me write an article detailing what we did, because she wants other parents to know what's possible. The interview and a comprehensive article covering every stage of our work together are inside ROGD Repair. You can find these resources here.

If you know a parent who needs to hear that there's a way through, pass it on.

And if you’re a parent in this fight, I made ROGD Repair for you.

It’s a comprehensive course and community built on the same frameworks Alice and I used — psychology, high-stakes negotiation, family systems theory, and the kind of strategic thinking that most parents never knew they’d need. Over 120 lessons, a community of parents who understand what you’re going through, and RepairBot, an AI coaching assistant available to you 24/7 when you need to think something through between sessions.

Alice’s full interview and the complete article documenting our work together are inside. She gave her permission for every word to be shared because she wants you to know that what happened for Ethan can happen for your child too.

If you’re ready to stop reacting and start preparing, I’d love to have you inside.

Join ROGD Repair here. Use code DESIST to take 50% off your first month, including RepairBot Unlimited.